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Is my short story any good? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter lot44
- Start date
*Baby-K*
Member
Hey,
Your story is good, however I am not entirely sure if it fits into physical journeys. My teacher had told me that a physical journey involves someone moving from place A to place B (whether he/she is moving countries or just going down to the shops is irrelevant), it should involve an obstacle (ie. character is moving countries, when he/she gets to the airport, he loses his passport) and the description of the outcome- what the character learns once he overcomes this obstacle (ie. broadens his/her appreciation of the world, learns more about himself etc). At the moment I would say that your story is more emotional journey or perhaps even an inner journey of how your character moves on emotionally after the death of her brother. I hope that helps.
PS. i may not be entirely right
Your story is good, however I am not entirely sure if it fits into physical journeys. My teacher had told me that a physical journey involves someone moving from place A to place B (whether he/she is moving countries or just going down to the shops is irrelevant), it should involve an obstacle (ie. character is moving countries, when he/she gets to the airport, he loses his passport) and the description of the outcome- what the character learns once he overcomes this obstacle (ie. broadens his/her appreciation of the world, learns more about himself etc). At the moment I would say that your story is more emotional journey or perhaps even an inner journey of how your character moves on emotionally after the death of her brother. I hope that helps.
PS. i may not be entirely right
Triple777ER
Vamos Rojas
That story has nothing to do with a physical journey, its more of an inner/imaginitve journey i suppose.
Absolutezero
real human bean
- Joined
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Your opening is reasonably effective, as is your ending line. The main problem I find with it is the narrative voice. It can be hard to work out who the narrator of the story is.l I suggest reconfiguring the middle sections, in particular the "There's a sound..." part. You need to make the character jump more fluid.
I also think the "I guess I've changed..." paragraph needs some work. For more it seems like you've slipped into trying to tell the marker that it is a journey text. Strong stories won't need to blantantly state the fact.
I do like the start of the "People must think..." section. It's an unusual style, but it works effectively.
Overall, it is a decent story, it just needs a bit of tuning here and there.
I also think the "I guess I've changed..." paragraph needs some work. For more it seems like you've slipped into trying to tell the marker that it is a journey text. Strong stories won't need to blantantly state the fact.
I do like the start of the "People must think..." section. It's an unusual style, but it works effectively.
Overall, it is a decent story, it just needs a bit of tuning here and there.
hey thanks for that .. even though u werent even replying to my question.. i havnt made a prepared creative story and am just planning on making it up on the spot in the exam .. going in wiht a few ideas of what my teacher has said.. bu yea it helps to know thanks 2 you but my story has to involve ..*Baby-K* said:
thanks