Lol L&r (1 Viewer)

[Bobness]

Let's assume hypothetically one wishes to strike a serious relationship with a girl.

And they are a guy (gtfo zoe)

How do you go about doing it if it's say someone you've just met or know of previously but have never really spoken to?

Do you

a) Befriend though over a long period of time say 3 months and then proceed to ask them out for a coffee/outing/gig/beach/whatever date idea tickles your fancy?

or

b) Just confidently ask them straight out if you'd like to go for coffee/outing/gig etc etc to get to know them better?

Because it seems (very stereotypically) that girls being irrational bitches (who are awesome and please don't hurt me feminazis ) become very frightened with either prospect even if you're layk totally meant to be.

If you befriend them first and get to know them well, even if you don't become close friends or 'brother-sister' or 'i feel i can tell you anything lolz' they have by now become so comfortable around your presence, there's no longer the sparks or even casual flirting which are inherent in many guy-girl friendships. Also there's the 'let's just be friends' and 'i think this could ruin our friendship and i don't want to risk that' type responses.

However if you just ask them out on the spot after meeting them and with the flirting happening, the girls still reckon you could be a creep, very superficial or even desperate. Plus they can resort to other excuses such as 'nah i just wanted to have fun' and 'i'm actually looking for a more serious relationship with a really nice guy who'll sweep me off my feet and watch jerry mcguire with me all day as he massages my boobs i mean, freudian slip on a banana, foot.'

Cool vote in poll please.

I'll post up anything which comes to mind later.

 

[AsyLum]

Befriend though over a long period of time say 3 months and then proceed to ask them out for a coffee/outing/gig/beach/whatever date idea tickles your fancy? <-- you'll just end up as 'a friend'

Go for the other one.

 

[withoutaface]

How do you know you want a serious relationship if you've barely even talked to her?

 

[Conspirocy]

When you say "know of previously and havent spoken" ----> that kinda answers itself...no chance.

Your best option would be the befriending thing, have a group you can sorta take her out with...one or two times...then move her away from the group...then in about a month, month and a half tops ur in

but if you get stuck in the group...1. competition...2. u'll get stuck as a friend...moral of the story, mark ur teritory and don't be soft

but spot on about the asking straight out, who does that??? very hard unless u know ur in, or she throws herself at u

EDIT: you can ask them out, but like don't 'ask them out'...just find some excuse of something they like, or something innocent that they wont realise is u sussing them out

 

[uhawww]

"When you say "know of previously and havent spoken" ----> that kinda answers itself...no chance."

What do you mean by this?


And to the original question, in the middle. After a few weeks ask her out, but waiting months is far too long.

 

[Conspirocy]

well if u know of the girl/ know her, or are in the same group and u dont talk that much...then uve kinda made a pretty poor first impression, add to the fact if she was slightly interested she would have tried to speak to u a bit and u wouldnt be asking these questions...that's how i see it

 

[uhawww]

well if u know of the girl/ know her, or are in the same group and u dont talk that much...then uve kinda made a pretty poor first impression, add to the fact if she was slightly interested she would have tried to speak to u a bit and u wouldnt be asking these questions...that's how i see it

Potentially, but I assumed the girl was a little more distant than that. She may have just never noticed him or he just needs to show interest in her before she shows any back.

 

[Conspirocy]

Potentially, but I assumed the girl was a little more distant than that. She may have just never noticed him or he just needs to show interest in her before she shows any back.

well its a half assed question isnt it...cause thats a pretty crucial fact

 

[latvia]

A serious relationship when it's someone you've just met (or know of previously but have never really spoken to)?

a) Befriend though over a long period of time say 3 months and then proceed to ask them out for a coffee/outing/gig/beach/whatever date idea tickles your fancy?

If "a long period of time" was excluded then this might be the better choice. But then, some people starting developing this "getting used to you" as time goes by, and being very good friends does not necessarily mean that you guys have no chance of actually becoming lovers with the romance and sparks. I believe some very good friends actually fall for each other without knowing it themselves, and they only "feel" it after one moves to a different place, far away.

b) Just confidently ask them straight out if you'd like to go for coffee/outing/gig etc etc to get to know them better?

Confidence is great, but following this step you must be aware that some girls would think that you are shallow/superficial for asking them out (ie: 'are you after good looks? would you have asked me to coffee if i looked different? how serious are you? why are you so sure you're serious about me even before knowing me?) Remember they might be overwhelmed with the fact that you found them attractive enough to ask them straight out, but after the excitement and pride "calms down" to a certain degree, they might start having doubts.

If you befriend them first and get to know them well, even if you don't become close friends or 'brother-sister' or 'i feel i can tell you anything lolz' they have by now become so comfortable around your presence, there's no longer the sparks or even casual flirting which are inherent in many guy-girl friendships. Also there's the 'let's just be friends' and 'i think this could ruin our friendship and i don't want to risk that' type responses.

LOL reminds me of "Just Friends" (though I didn't actually watch the movie)
I kinda agree that after a "long time" the sparks may have *disappeared* so you end up being "Just Friends".. while going with the other choice may tell you directly if she's interested (saves you some time)

Are sparks and casual flirting essential in a serious relationship? Maybe, but I'd say.... if she really is something special, the "sparks" would not miraculously disappear after 3 months.

However if you just ask them out on the spot after meeting them and with the flirting happening, the girls still reckon you could be a creep, very superficial or even desperate.

If they are interested in you as much as you are interested in them, I don't think the guy would be labelled "desperate".

But of course I'm not speaking on behalf of all girls. Just a general opinion.

Plus they can resort to other excuses such as 'nah i just wanted to have fun' and 'i'm actually looking for a more serious relationship with a really nice guy who'll sweep me off my feet and watch jerry mcguire with me all day as he massages my boobs i mean, freudian slip on a banana, foot.'

Cool vote in poll please.

I'll post up anything which comes to mind later.

There are endless possibilities. "assume hypothetically"? I can't. LOL

 

[latvia]

move her away from the group

1. competition...2. u'll get stuck as a friend...moral of the story, mark ur teritory and don't be soft

she throws herself at u

something innocent that they wont realise is u sussing them out

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHHAHH

sounds like the process of hunting for a prey...

lol

 

[zoesnotannoying]

hello, why is my name in the original post?

 

[Conspirocy]

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHHAHH

sounds like the process of hunting for a prey...

lol

lol he could just go caveman styles instead and her over the head

 

[latvia]

lol he could just go caveman styles instead and her over the head

LOL seductive SM

 

[iambored]

neither
as you said, they are both lose situations
i don't know.

 

[AsyLum]

neither
as you said, they are both lose situations
i don't know.

Lesson is, never try.

 

[withoutaface]

Personally I'd get to know her for maybe 1-2 weeks before asking her out, keeps you out of the friend zone and you don't look like a sleaze.

 

[poloktim]

Personally I'd get to know her for maybe 1-2 weeks before asking her out, keeps you out of the friend zone and you don't look like a sleaze.

Impossible.

 

[lengy]

Lesson is, never try.

QFT.

 

[Serius]

real life doesnt work like that, you are better off just asking them to come hang with you, or make them feel included in whatever you and your friends do or something.

How it really works is, if the girl likes you she will find a way to let you know, thats how women work - signals and hints and behavour patterns i.e not be outright saying anything or making anyhting too obvious[which is how males work]
you could let her know you wouldnt mind hooking up sometime by complimenting her[doesnt have to be physical either, complimenting her ideas can be even more powerful]

if she isnt interested, move on cause there is nothing you can do[well there is, but you probably dont have the skills and its probably a waste of effort]

 

[iambored]

Lesson is, never try.

qtf x2 rofl

real life doesnt work like that, you are better off just asking them to come hang with you, or make them feel included in whatever you and your friends do or something.

How it really works is, if the girl likes you she will find a way to let you know, thats how women work - signals and hints and behavour patterns i.e not be outright saying anything or making anyhting too obvious[which is how males work]
you could let her know you wouldnt mind hooking up sometime by complimenting her[doesnt have to be physical either, complimenting her ideas can be even more powerful]

if she isnt interested, move on cause there is nothing you can do[well there is, but you probably dont have the skills and its probably a waste of effort]

rofl, consequently, males don't notice, so the lesson for females is also, never try