NSW Selective Schools Dynamics (1 Viewer)

sumomo

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I meant year 7s do know a lot, your daughter goes to a selective school, what's so bad about your daughter knowing stuff beyond books? She has to grow up someday.
Well that's what I mean, in my mind, it's "some"day so you're telling me that day is...nowish am i right? So, if my kid starts yr 7 all G rated and I don't mean wuddup g, she gonna be ridiculed cos she's all rainbows and butterlies rn. I don't put stress on her...I try to take it all, hence the neurosis.
So anyway, if that's the case, can you guys suggest a list of things for her to watch/listen to and don't troll me please :blink2:
 

#RoadTo31Atar

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Hey all, rather than replying individually and spamming just wanted to bulk thank everyone for your responses, all of it is super relevant to me cos I have no idea whether she's gonna float or sink. Thanks for your reassurance! Since you all seem very legit and I really want to utilize all of your wordly knowledge of ss, I might as well disclose that she's going to sgh, does all the above still apply?

Of similar importance, switching over to street cred: my kid comes from a bubble, most likely my fault cos social media is banned and everything they watch gotta be pg. I also don't let them listen to mainstream music because - I mean have you listened to mainstream? most of it is about stuff she's not ready for, it is really hard to sift through. So she mostly listens to musicals, but I've been trying to find tracks to allow when I have the time.

So my kid gon be like a complete newb when she hits HS...
Partly my doing, partly she doesnt even wanna know if you say it might be inappropriate. Her school also doesnt do "personal" education iykwim, it's not to say our house is a church, because despite no social, I provide the trolling services for free :angel: (probably enjoy it a little too much).

As seniors, what do you guys advise? Do I let her just organically fumble through any strange concepts at school when/if it arises, or do I prep her? How much do yr 7s know about life beyond books these days? I mean, in retrospect, would you prefer to start yr 7 like a disney character or a rock star? do I lock her in a room and say...hey watch gossip girl and mean girls and learn (not doing that! clearly haven't watched any current teen shows). But her friend of a friend also starting yr 7 apparently is watching V Diaries!???? is that not TOO old for 11?? I told my kid, no way you're watching that, am I being a huge buzzkill? I quickly replayed a few seasons in my head, pretty sure, it's too full on, but maybe I'm just too square?
>my kid comes from a bubble
>social media is banned
>everything they watch gotta be pg
>I also don't let them listen to mainstream music

sounds pretty bad to me but idk if this is normal in australia
 

sumomo

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sounds pretty bad to me but idk if this is normal in australia
I dunno what's normal. I just dont want my 11yo kid putting herself on tiktok/insta/fb like some needy attn seeking tween for likes.
And she doesnt watch things that are too mature - it doesnt mean she doesnt watch a lot of age appropriate stuff. Nor does she jam to cardi b's award winning wap track...I'm ok with that. But my 9yo already booking himself front row tix to hamilton next yr and for me that's pushing it. Maybe it's normal for a lot of kids but I dont want my 9yo belting out son offa wh- either but it's too late for that.

Anyway, I am open to suggestions for a doable list of baby steps I can take to expose an 11yo GIRL to just enough so she's not from a bubble....thanks
 

idkkdi

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I dunno what's normal. I just dont want my 11yo kid putting herself on tiktok/insta/fb like some needy attn seeking tween for likes.
And she doesnt watch things that are too mature - it doesnt mean she doesnt watch a lot of age appropriate stuff. Nor does she jam to cardi b's award winning wap track...I'm ok with that. But my 9yo already booking himself front row tix to hamilton next yr and for me that's pushing it. Maybe it's normal for a lot of kids but I dont want my 9yo belting out son offa wh- either but it's too late for that.

Anyway, I am open to suggestions for a doable list of baby steps I can take to expose an 11yo GIRL to just enough so she's not from a bubble....thanks
Screw all the others. Keep her in that bubble. You don’t want anything going wrong with her.
being in a bubble is quite a nice experience. Maybe know some stuff, but don’t actively seek to know it.
 

wzsmartypants

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I dunno what's normal. I just dont want my 11yo kid putting herself on tiktok/insta/fb like some needy attn seeking tween for likes.
And she doesnt watch things that are too mature - it doesnt mean she doesnt watch a lot of age appropriate stuff. Nor does she jam to cardi b's award winning wap track...I'm ok with that. But my 9yo already booking himself front row tix to hamilton next yr and for me that's pushing it. Maybe it's normal for a lot of kids but I dont want my 9yo belting out son offa wh- either but it's too late for that.

Anyway, I am open to suggestions for a doable list of baby steps I can take to expose an 11yo GIRL to just enough so she's not from a bubble....thanks
agreed, social media is toxic
 

sumomo

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Ok then, I'll just let it happen organically, I just didn't want her to start yr 7 and be overwhelmed, she's currently in a small school and her tiny group of friends are very similar. She's very trusting of me and I don't want to fail her by restricting too much and then she's known as that girl who knows nothing about life and be laughed at - develop a complex and end up doing silly stuff (wow that snowballed really quickly) so my only solution rn is to get her to watch tv shows mostly ones that involve 1st years of HS. I just hope she gets to start the rest of her life strong, yr 7's a big deal, she's going to meet people who will stick. I just want her to be happy.
 

Kyufruit

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I dunno what's normal. I just dont want my 11yo kid putting herself on tiktok/insta/fb like some needy attn seeking tween for likes.
And she doesnt watch things that are too mature - it doesnt mean she doesnt watch a lot of age appropriate stuff. Nor does she jam to cardi b's award winning wap track...I'm ok with that. But my 9yo already booking himself front row tix to hamilton next yr and for me that's pushing it. Maybe it's normal for a lot of kids but I dont want my 9yo belting out son offa wh- either but it's too late for that.

Anyway, I am open to suggestions for a doable list of baby steps I can take to expose an 11yo GIRL to just enough so she's not from a bubble....thanks
Coming from a girl who lives in a very conservative household and was raised in a similar way:

I support everything you’re doing and I believe it is for the best, because if it wasn’t for my parents overprotectiveness, i don’t know where I would be now. However, you also need to let her know WHY you’re doing this, WHY it’s for the best, WHY the mainstream is toxic, etc.

My parents used to put all these rules on me and never told me WHY, so at some point, the moment I got my first phone, I’ve made sure to look at and go against everything they told me was wrong. So make sure your daughter understand this.

One more advice I’ll give you is to get close with your daughter. If you want her to trust your words, she needs to trust you and be comfortable with you.

However, even with all this advice, remember one thing. The majority of teenagers go through the rebellious stage at some point. And if this happens to your daughter, don’t beat yourself down for it, it’s not your fault, she’s just having a identity crisis.

All the best :]
 

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As a parent of older kids (13-21), I’ve found that the best strategy is to just to keep a watchful eye over everything and not actively intervene unless really necessary (an eagle parent keeps an unobtrusive summit view of their offspring & the terrain). At that age, if the child can work out what s/he likes & wants to do, they will develop a stronger sense of self which will stand them in good stead when they have to deal with peer pressure and other challenges. I’ve taken this approach against a tide of family and friends who all send their kids to top private & selective schools and my kids are thriving spectacularly at the local public schools that THEY chose to attend despite receiving SS offers and having the financial means for private education. They also make their own decisions on what extracurricular activities they engage in and pretty much everything else, including what they view for entertainment (I’ve always generally upheld the value of ethics & integrity, so fortunately their viewing preferences seem to be appropriate). Of course, I’ve always had contingency plans, but I just quietly keep watch and have rarely ever had to swoop. The kids and I have pretty good relationships.
 

Reptilette

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I graduated this year from a selective school that's ranked ~30.

Will my child be considered:
basic? for not playing an instrument
Based on my experience, literally no one will care. In fact, only a small minority in my grade actually played instruments.

behind? for not having any tutoring ever
Although most people (including me) would've highly recommended it, no one cared or looked down on you if you didn't do tutoring.

lazy? for not ever doing anything beyond school work
I've personally never heard anyone catch flack for that. I think people would just be more concerned if you were literally on the study grind for 24/7.

weird? for having never considered actually going to ss until receiving an offer
Once again, no one will care.
 

sumomo

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Coming from a girl who lives in a very conservative household and was raised in a similar way:

I support everything you’re doing and I believe it is for the best, because if it wasn’t for my parents overprotectiveness, i don’t know where I would be now. However, you also need to let her know WHY you’re doing this, WHY it’s for the best, WHY the mainstream is toxic, etc.

My parents used to put all these rules on me and never told me WHY, so at some point, the moment I got my first phone, I’ve made sure to look at and go against everything they told me was wrong. So make sure your daughter understand this.

One more advice I’ll give you is to get close with your daughter. If you want her to trust your words, she needs to trust you and be comfortable with you.

However, even with all this advice, remember one thing. The majority of teenagers go through the rebellious stage at some point. And if this happens to your daughter, don’t beat yourself down for it, it’s not your fault, she’s just having a identity crisis.

All the best :]
Thanks! for your response, yes I make sure both my kids know WHY all the time, I always check and ask them to reiterate any unpleasant teaching moments. I also try not to make their lives too difficult and say NO just cos it's fun as a parent to rule them all. So I do give reasons when I forbid stuff.

Luckily my daughter is actually quite good at monitoring what she is ready for, I just hope it doesn't change too much with peer pressure. She did somewhat meet a future HS friend via text who was telling another that unlike her, she's different and unique and she hates kpop. Mine doesn't listen to kpop, because I felt she was too young to NOT take manufactured plastic autotuned girls too seriously. As a younger child she wanted to be like some of her friends and listen to kpop, I showed her articles on the real life struggles and suicides (yep) of kpop "artists" and asked her whether she wanted to endorse that kind of industry through her support, it was a hard pass from her maybe a year or 2 ago now. So I think it's a good thing she's seen an example of what I have been telling her this whole time, through somebody completely new.

I have also been bracing myself for the teens since she was born....argh! we currently have a very close/trusting relationship, but I understand all kids lie and I even tell mine, to always just have each other's backs, they need to learn to not snitch on each other even to me! So that in future for the times they don't want to come to me, they can talk to each other.

Thank you so much for your advice! it is really helpful to hear from an older girl with similar upbringing! All the best to you!
 

ezOolong

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This sounds like the stress my older sister (in her 30's) seems to have right now with her kid in Shanghai LOL. But no, here in Australia, it is nowhere near as competitive as the Shanghainese high schools, speaking from experience in both countries. Instruments / tutoring are not a must either.

But I cannot recall correctly of what restrictions my parents have put me into back in Year 7. I studied independently throughout the whole of high school, and I really think parents are not able to provide help on academics / spoon-feed the student at the end of the day. No matter if it's her studies or tastes of music, I suggest that you can ease the restrictions a bit more and at least give her the opportunity to discover her interest. Again, she is going to be in a selective school, as long as she doesn't do drugs, how bad can she be in that competitive environment? If she sees other friends doing tutoring, she will consider for herself as well.

(p.s. in my opinion, there isn't anything wrong with social media, games and pop music and they are often important means that I can stay in touch with my friends after school. It's easier for her to start making friends through these media as well.)
 

sumomo

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No unfortunately, I will still disagree on the social media, it's not that she doesn't access youtube/insta even facebook pages for info, but I don't think she needs an "online presence" at this age and she has never shown a want for it either. She already has plenty of distractions being part of many chat groups from various schools and activities, she does play games online with friends. It's not that she lives under a rock fully

I think this thread has morphed into people thinking that my kids aren't allowed anything and I force them to do certain things, what they are not allowed - is to listen to say....Lebron's playlist on apple music....tracks like...wap and even what was it...ice cream!??? I mean sure, some girls wanna be singing about letting boys "double dip cos you like me", well that's their prerogative. I'm not going to tell her to watch MA 15+ stuff to prepare for HS. The sheer size of the one umbrella topic used to sell music/shows or gain likes is so immense, I think telling her to just experiment herself online will actually be doing her disservice, especially when she has no idea who/what/where she wants to be in life yet. Some things in life, you just can't unsee or unlearn unfortunately. So I'll just let that happen organically at school, she's changed my name on her phone so that I'm just some random "friend" she CAN text at school. She doesn't HAVE to, just giving her that option, if someone says stuff, and she wants to pretend she understands but doesnt, she COULD just text me....if she WANTS etc....

I do thank everyone for your thoughts and advice though.
 
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jkjkjk

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No unfortunately, I will still disagree on the social media, it's not that she doesn't access youtube/insta even facebook pages for info, but I don't think she needs an "online presence" at this age and she has never shown a want for it either. She already has plenty of distractions being part of many chat groups from various schools and activities, she does play games online with friends. It's not that she lives under a rock fully

I think this thread has morphed into people thinking that my kids aren't allowed anything and I force them to do certain things, what they are not allowed - is to listen to say....Lebron's playlist on apple music....tracks like...wap and even what was it...ice cream!??? I mean sure, some girls wanna be singing about letting boys "double dip cos you like me", well that's their prerogative. I'm not going to tell her to watch MA 15+ stuff to prepare for HS. The sheer size of the one umbrella topic used to sell music/shows or gain likes is so immense, I think telling her to just experiment herself online will actually be doing her disservice, especially when she has no idea who/what/where she wants to be in life yet. Some things in life, you just can't unsee or unlearn unfortunately. So I'll just let that happen organically at school, she's changed my name on her phone so that I'm just some random "friend" she CAN text at school. She doesn't HAVE to, just giving her that option, if someone says stuff, and she wants to pretend she understands but doesnt, she COULD just text me....if she WANTS etc....

I do thank everyone for your thoughts and advice though.
you have made some good points and ig i agree w ur mindset. just a question tho, if she does end up wanting to have an instagram account (maybe cause all her friends have one), would you let her?
 

sumomo

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you have made some good points and ig i agree w ur mindset. just a question tho, if she does end up wanting to have an instagram account (maybe cause all her friends have one), would you let her?
I would, tbh, I expect her to create a basic profile cos otherwise she can't follow what the school/prefects put online. I would however remind her what she puts online could be there forever. Although at this stage can't imagine she would want to put herself online at a personal level anyway...she doesnt mind being on the school website etc. She is already quite careful which I am grateful for.
 

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