Deli:
-Please don't ask for 100g of Vine Leaves or 4 slices of shaved ham. Seriously, stick to the units we sell them in...
-Please don't ask for two slices of prosciutto when it's quite obvious that the slicer is being used and there's a thousand other customers.
-Please don't come in to the store at 8:55pm and expect the slicer to be fully constructed and operational. Most likely it's been pulled to bits to be cleaned, or else is already cleaned, and therefore I'm not using it.
-When the above happens, the Duty Manager will always side with me. Trust me, they don't want to hear your bitching, especially as they themselves are trying to close the store at that exact time as well.
-I will not serve you at 9:10pm, and I will instruct my fellow staff members not to either. The checkout operators want to go home, and we want to go home.
-Please don't put your fingers on the glass, or fail to have your kids remove their hands from the glass. It's spotless because I woke up at 4am so I had time to both set-up and clean them. We don't have little fairies which come through every time people put their dirty mits on them to clean them.
-Don't tell me I'm a rude prick when I pointedly ask one of my fellow employees to clean the outside part of the front window in front of the bacon. My intention was to make you feel bad and educate you so you don't point out exactly which cut of bacon you want by putting your finger on the glass, and I don't need you telling me what my intention was.
-"Ham off the Bone" is always going to have fat on it. It's $18.98kg, so no, I am not pulling the fat off it before I price it up. Stop being an idiot and buy the more processed ham if you don't want the fat on it.
-No, I am not reducing chickens at 3:30pm on a Saturday. Nor at 4:00pm. And the more you ask me, the longer I'm going to delay. If you stand around at the chicken warmer waiting for me to reduce them, I'll probably just let them go and reduce them for the staff members, or else get the produce department manager to move you along because you're RIGHT IN THEIR WAY, for fucks sake.
-No, I don't know which aisle mayonnaise is in. And when I friendly suggest the service desk may be able to assist you, don't seriously start muttering under your breath about passing the buck.
-Yes, I am experienced in the gourmet cheese part of the store, but no, I am not leaving the serviced deli for 10mins to talk you through the pros and cons of each for your fancy meal you're creating. Ask me a question at the deli and I'll answer it; my answer won't change by walking 25m.
-"Are these chickens cooked today?" will result in exasperating replies.
-If you find that one of our tickets is displaying an incorrect price, let me know and I'll reduce the sticker to the correct price for you, gladly. What I won't do is then give you a further 1kg of it at the same price once the error has been discovered.
-If you buy 10kg of prawns, don't be offended if we walk you to the checkouts to pay for it. I'm not letting someone walk around with $250 worth of prawns which, if dumped anywhere except a freezer, will result in us throwing them out.
-If I'm not serving anyone at the moment, don't ask me to serve you, or tell me to start serving. Only my department manager can tell me to do that, not you, and most likely there's a good reason I'm not serving you; namely, making sure we have the stock so that we can sell it to you when you ask for it.
General:
-If I'm walking through the store talking to a fellow employee and with a Wendy's milkshake in one hand and food in the other, it's likely I'm on break. I'm happy to tell you where things are, or call an employee to wherever-we-are for customer assistance, but don't expect me to walk across the store to show you where they are.
-If I'm lined up in a checkout/self serve queue, you do not have the right to jump in front of me because I'm wearing work clothes. I'm a customer as well.
-Don't ask for my help with the self-serve checkouts when I'm queued up in the (normally-short) line with my hands full with food and other stuff. It's kinda obvious I'm not working at that point, nor am I a self-serve operator. Ask the person with the card who's helping other people with self-serve.
And last, but the funniest:
-Don't ask me to jump on a checkout and serve you when I'm lining up to buy stuff. Like, seriously?
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