Section 2 - Creative Writing (3 Viewers)

[umz93]

How much did we have to focus on memories? My whole story was a flash back as a person was dying because of a drug trip (thats the twist ending)-the 'nirvana' that he reaches when he takes drugs is the place he wants to belong to. He does constantly make reference that he wants to go to his Nirvana, but thats about it. Opinions?

 

[aphorae]

what?

too long; didn't read

plot? it looks pretty short tho

 

[aphorae]

How much did we have to focus on memories? My whole story was a flash back as a person was dying because of a drug trip (thats the twist ending)-the 'nirvana' that he reaches when he takes drugs is the place he wants to belong to. He does constantly make reference that he wants to go to his Nirvana, but thats about it. Opinions?

? is that a 'remembered place' or an imagined place? idgi

 

[umz93]

Well when he takes the drugs he goes to that place, it is an imaginative place that he constantly remembers and wants to go back to.

 

[aphorae]

Well when he takes the drugs he goes to that place, so i guess its a bit of both.

oh right well that's fine as long as it was obvious... idk I used obvious words like 'he remembered' etc. so if you did something like that and it wasn't just like 1 paragraph, it should be okay

 

[dela_]

Would any story with any topic be right just long as a "remembered place" is made reference to during the story?

 

[umz93]

oh right well that's fine as long as it was obvious... idk I used obvious words like 'he remembered' etc. so if you did something like that and it wasn't just like 1 paragraph, it should be okay

Yeah i didnt specifically state he remembered because I was told, show dont tell. I constantly showed that when he wasnt on drugs he was craving to be on drugs. For example, 'they criticize me yet if they try it once they would want to go back as much as i do"

 

[dela_]

Yeah i didnt specifically state he remembered because I was told, show dont tell. I constantly showed that when he wasnt on drugs he was craving to be on drugs. For example, 'they criticize me yet if they try it once they would want to go back as much as i do"

Yeah that sounds right.

 

[umz93]

Yeah that sounds right.

Cheers, makes me feel better

 

[dela_]

Cheers, makes me feel better

no worries

 

[aphorae]

Would any story with any topic be right just long as a "remembered place" is made reference to during the story?

depends how it was mentioned, the question was capture the significance of remembered places

Yeah i didnt specifically state he remembered because I was told, show dont tell. I constantly showed that when he wasnt on drugs he was craving to be on drugs. For example, 'they criticize me yet if they try it once they would want to go back as much as i do"

well sry but the point is that you can show for 100% of your script (although how is 'they criticize me' not 'telling'? you obviously need verbs in your script and all verbs tell something, 'I recalled', 'he mumbled' etc., it's generally behaviour you show that shows a certain emotion, e.g. 'he clenched his fists' rather than 'he was angry') but if they can't tell that it's a remembered place, then there's no point ~ whatever you just said sounds like a desire to go back to drugs rather than a remembered place, but if you mentioned going to a 'place', e.g. where he was on drugs i.e "an imaginative place that he constantly remembers and wants to go back to", then it'll be fine.

 

[umz93]

Dude we have another paper tomorrow.... lol jks, tl;dr

 

[umz93]

depends how it was mentioned, the question was capture the significance of remembered places



well sry but the point is that you can show for 100% of your script (although how is 'they criticize me' not 'telling'? you obviously need verbs in your script and all verbs tell something, 'I recalled', 'he mumbled' etc., it's generally behaviour you show that shows a certain emotion, e.g. 'he clenched his fists' rather than 'he was angry') but if they can't tell that it's a remembered place, then there's no point ~ whatever you just said sounds like a desire to go back to drugs rather than a remembered place, but if you mentioned going to a 'place', e.g. where he was on drugs i.e "an imaginative place that he constantly remembers and wants to go back to", then it'll be fine.

Yes i mentioned that he wants to go to the 'place' (Y) Btw how much marks do we lose if we dont make much reference to a remembered place?

 

[Glorious]

I'm sort of indecisive about how I went with this section. I might lose marks because it probably didn't address remembered places too much, however, the persona of my story has these Deja vu moments, having to chill him with recollections of how similar his situation "was" compared to a man and a girl he glimpses at in the room opposite to his - where the emotional intensity of the man causes a little girl to break out in silence and search for a hand - a hand she needed to secure her life from seclusion. So it was a whole heap of emotional stuff in it. The persona, hence, emphasises how the man's life would be taken away is his disease copmpares to that of his. The persona is then confined to a divine revelation that strikes upon him, and how in turn, he finds an ultimate cure to his condition. He then remembers himself back at home on the porch of his housing unit, watching his beloved ones depart from him and he lived with that fear for the rest of his life. A fear of not being able to redeem his sincere ability to the real world. Hence, by working on a"revolutionary", being the ultimate cure, he thinks he may be able to make up for the past, otherwise he would depart into an unforgiving realm. Hence, the cure becomes a singificant means which renders into the lives of many victims, blah blah.

It touches up on remembered place, but not too much. Not sure though. I liked the course of my story and how the emotive and descriptive language was integrated, but yeh. If i lose marks, then it's probably for not highlighting what they've asked for as much.

 

[Mistriousfrog]

It touches up on remembered place, but not too much. Not sure though. I liked the course of my story and how the emotive and descriptive language was integrated, but yeh. If i lose marks, then it's probably for not highlighting what they've asked for as much.

I'll be completely honest, it was incredibly complex for a short story. But as a narrative it worked. The main issue is whether you were able to fit it to the question though, because the remembered place should have been a central focus and not merely a passing reference as it appears it may have been in your story. Of course that is only my interpreration and I am infamous for my ability to play the devils advocate. Depending on how you actually wrote it though, it could have worked.

 

[Skriker]

I thought mine was really good it seemed to fit in perfect with the question and stimulus, Mine was about a father who had a strong connection with his father, but his "evil step-mother" would always try and break the connection. The father and son bonded when they took advantage of the house they went fishing in (Remembered place). However when the father died, the son gave him his mothers tags as they now had a common bond and overtime they connected with eachother.

Well thats the summary of my story haha.

overall NAILED IT.

 

[avismce]

Smashed.

 

[Arcelia]

I saw 'place' and wanted to cry with happiness.

 

[Chrissiee]

i forgot to link it to the stimulus. Fuck.

 

[slyhunter]

i forgot to link it to the stimulus. Fuck.

You weren't required to this year.