[Okay, well, I’ve read through yours just then. I think it’s fairly well written, the style is engaging for the most part – sometimes it felt a bit disperse and perhaps even lost. But as I said..on the whole it’s well written. The fragmentation was at times jarring and awkward for me, like there were times when it worked well and that was great, but just a few times where it felt forced and almost contrived – it didn’t achieve your purpose (maybe it does…RS). Before I say anymore, I’d like to read your RS though…so please chuck that up there sometime and let me know. You’ve got some really good sections in there, I’m just saying that at times I didn’t feel ‘engaged’ such as Lux’s letter, just simply because I don’t think that’s how the letter would’ve been written – I didn’t find the voice genuine enough, it’s an important part, I just don’t think she’d write a letter like that..ah well…that’s just me. And not because I’m a guy, it was the blunt and not subtle at all bit about I rescued you from the darkness of your uncle, my name is light..i dunno, not my thing.
But yeah, you should be happy with your MW – you write well. After I’ve read your RS I’ll let you know what else I thought (I wanna know how you wanted to use Carroll and such).
It’s not really a style I’d read normally, I also can’t remember Alice in Wonderland from my youth…so maybe I’m not the best person to be commenting on it. It’s pretty personal yeah? Cause I think some of the insights are really good, like the relationship between cassie (you?) and lux is well developed in the story and it’s intriguing
What are you aiming for with it? What have others said (both where you’re heading marks wise and just generally)?
But yeah, you write well.
