is this betrayal? (1 Viewer)

[=slade=]

so my bf of three years told me last nite he had a 'secret'...that he'd done something stupid and wanted to 'fess up.

he said he had used a 'peep show' at a strippers club (where u go into a small room, watch a girl dance / strip for you - she cant see you but you can see her - and have a toss)

this was two years ago. hes really big on trust, honesty etc now he's just told me this.

i am really hurt and feel betrayed, especially since he already knew i hated strip clubs to start with. i think its right up there with cheating (obvioulsy not the same) but still HUGELY offensive.

girls, how would u feel in this position?
guys, do u think its 'perfectly acceptable' thing to have done?

im not sure im overreacting or what.

 

[thejosiekiller]

hahahahahhahahahahhahaha

ive got nothing else to say

 

[Lhyviathan]

It's bad, but not THAT bad.

If you ask me, what made it worse is that he confessed two years after the event.

 

[=slade=]

It's bad, but not THAT bad.

If you ask me, what made it worse is that he confessed two years after the event.

especially since he's so big on trust etc etc 'tell me as soon as something bad happens' 'no secrets' etc...double standards...

 

[Dreamerish*~]

I would definitely be angry, but since it happened two years ago, I'm willing to let it go after giving him a warning - strike one!

It is unfaithful, but I wouldn't put it up there with cheating. After all, it was eye-candy - no physical cheating involved, and he couldn't possibly have been emotionally cheating because he didn't know the ho.

If you have been happy with your boyfriend for the past two years, then there is no reason for you two to break up. It hurts now, but after awhile you'll get over it. At least he confessed, as late as it was.

 

[tempco]

hahaha, peep show?

well, maybe he didn't see it as something "bad". i'm sure he watches pr0n.

 

[=slade=]

I would definitely be angry, but since it happened two years ago, I'm willing to let it go after giving him a warning - strike one!

It is unfaithful, but I wouldn't put it up there with cheating. After all, it was eye-candy - no physical cheating involved, and he couldn't possibly have been emotionally cheating because he didn't know the ho.

If you have been happy with your boyfriend for the past two years, then there is no reason for you two to break up. It hurts now, but after awhile you'll get over it. At least he confessed, as late as it was.

no, not going to break up over it. more hurt he had to go out and do such a thing i think its disgusting, and to an extent unfaithful. i cant forgive him, and it REALLY hurts that he even needed 'eye candy' just because i was in another town at the time.

should i even feel betrayed?? i dont know...

 

[jt.]

Don't worry about it, its just like watching live porn.
For him to confess is quite a good thing, most people wouldn't.

 

[xox_eMz_xox]

Id be pissed off! i get jealous over the smallest things sometimes though. Yeh but don't break up with him, but show him your hurt and give him the silent treatment or be a bitch for abit till he grovels and begs for your forgiveness.. makes you feel a little better when they come crawling back to suck up your bum because they know they are in the wrong.

Makes you wonder why he would bother to tell you 2 years later? maybe its not the full story.. but then im very suspicious about everything (past experiences make you paranoid over little things.)

 

[=slade=]

hahaha, peep show?

well, maybe he didn't see it as something "bad". i'm sure he watches pr0n.

porn im ok with. its the fact he went out in public, paid a girl to dance just for him so he could toss over it. its intimate, and thats y it hurts.

 

[tempco]

i can't really see the intimacy. i mean, not even remotely.

plus, wouldn't it be for several customers? that'd be more economical.

 

[=slade=]

Id be pissed off! i get jealous over the smallest things sometimes though. Yeh but don't break up with him, but show him your hurt and give him the silent treatment or be a bitch for abit till he grovels and begs for your forgiveness.. makes you feel a little better when they come crawling back to suck up your bum because they know they are in the wrong.

Makes you wonder why he would bother to tell you 2 years later? maybe its not the full story.. but then im very suspicious about everything (past experiences make you paranoid over little things.)

me too! i get jealous over such little things, but i dont usually tell him because i know its just my mind overreacting n i keep it to myself. but this is definatly something ill be giving silent treatment about

 

[thejosiekiller]

porn im ok with. its the fact he went out in public, paid a girl to dance just for him so he could toss over it. its intimate, and thats y it hurts.

lol intimate, i bet they followed it up with a candel light dinner

 

[Rafy]

I dont think "intimate" Is the word your looking for.....

 

[=slade=]

i can't really see the intimacy. i mean, not even remotely.

plus, wouldn't it be for several customers? that'd be more economical.

yea i meant that he paid HER just to dance for HIM, not that she was ONLY dancing for him and him alone. sorry bad wording

 

[Dreamerish*~]

porn im ok with. its the fact he went out in public, paid a girl to dance just for him so he could toss over it. its intimate, and thats y it hurts.

If you think about it, it's very much like porn - yes, it is worse, but at least he knew that it wasn't right.

I totally understand you being hurt over this. I would be too. Give it some time. He must be feeling terrible at the moment. I'm thinking he has been fearing the confession for a long time, hence telling you two years later. It seems he has been feeling guilty all this time, and couldn't keep it from you any longer.

You might not see it, but I don't think he's a hypocrite - he does take honestly very seriously. It takes a lot of courage to confess something like this to your partner and the part of you that's not hurting should be glad that your boyfriend does not want to lie to you.

 

[thejosiekiller]

yea i meant that he paid HER just to dance for HIM, not that she was ONLY dancing for him and him alone. sorry bad wording

yeah- its much better if he had 2 girls stripping for him

 

[tempco]

well, one thing's for sure. it must've been on his mind for quite some time.

 

[=slade=]

thanks dreamerish*~ ... you always seem to have good points!!!

 

[my sharona]

Guys have hormones. Deal with it.

It's not that different to guys buying adult magazines, its just all looking and no touching.
I mean, even if the stripper wasn't there, he'd still be wanking.

Buy yourself 'Fit to strip' and get over it.