[Official Critique Thread] (2 Viewers)

[400miles]

Llyrai your work is fantastic... your writing style is great, some of the words and sentences are just written so well, they seem to flow like poetry. And I really like the name of your piece. Yeah enjoyed that one...

 

[Monkey Butler]

You're still a paranoid bastard, but I'm over it, so back to the critiquing...

 

[Llyrai]

Llyrai your work is fantastic... your writing style is great, some of the words and sentences are just written so well, they seem to flow like poetry. And I really like the name of your piece. Yeah enjoyed that one...

....whose paying you!

Hahah thanks heaps. But I honestly think I dont deserve the praise. We all put heaps of work into all our Stories, i think mine just falls into Pulp-Fiction. But thanks anyway! Great needy ego-booster that was

 

[bitchymcbitch]

oh dear oh dear.. well heres the story..

i was skanking into english ( as you do in the last few weeks..) and all of a sudden my english teahcer yells out "WHOS STUDENT NUMBER IS 1508..blah blah!"
i yell bakc
" OH I WON I WON!!!"

yeah... no.

she pulled me out of class, i was so scared.. she looked so angry..

i said "whats wrong?"

she said ' i just got a fax....' < in that voice.. the one that tells you have have done something bad or something bad has happened to your puppy.. or mother..

anyway, i say ' ok.. what about' < gettin really worried now..

she hands me a piece of paper that reads.

STUDENT NUMBER 1508.......'s PROJECT DOES NOT HAVE PAGE NUMBER 8 INCLUDED, the JOURNAL DOES NOT SHOW PAGE 8.. PLEASE FAX IT TO THIS NUMBER IMMEDIATELY

oh yeah i freaked out.. so did my teacher.. i walked into class and everyone was like ' ohhhh what did you do?' im like.. meh just forgot a page in my major work..

so .. i faxed it and it is now ok..

i just came to a throught that THEY'RE MARKING MY WORK NOW!!!!! holy crip im a crapple...

i so appreciate the oppurtunity to give them that page.. without it i could have been penalised severely..

just an Ext 2 story i thought id share..

 

[vanbasten]

Llyrai, are you gay?

 

[zhongie]

My teacher is marking Extension 2 this year, and we've been pumping her for goss on the Major Works, but all she says is 'there's a very diverse range...', which means she's being very diplomatic, dammit.

 

[vanbasten]

So is my teacher, and she said people were just plain try-hards, as in they abused the thesaurus and used irrelevant big words that really detracted from the value of the work(particularly for the short stories), but zhongie, I don't think you had that problem. Your story was brilliant. Well done.

 

[zhongie]

Thanks vanbasten! I was worried no-one would get it, or it would be too derivative, or that it was just...crap. So thank you very much.

 

[hotcocoababe]

argh, you poor thing bitchmcbitch... but at least u got the chance hay!

so good for you.... and hi 5's all around to the marker who took pity on you :uhhuh:

(oh shit... they're already marking our MW's...? scary!)

 

[Llyrai]

Llyrai, are you gay?

Well thats one hell of a question to post up on a public thread. What's the reason behind the question exactly?

 

[hotcocoababe]

Well thats one hell of a question to post up on a public thread. What's the reason behind the question exactly?

I agree!



LOL Llyrai.... perhaps you should request that vanbasten starts his/her own thread on the topic of your sexuality? Then again, this is the critique thread... maybe vanbasten wants to critique your sexuality

 

[Llyrai]

I agree!



LOL Llyrai.... perhaps you should request that vanbasten starts his/her own thread on the topic of your sexuality? Then again, this is the critique thread... maybe vanbasten wants to critique your sexuality

Oh dont say that! Stop teasing vanbusten, maybe vanbasten doesnt want to make my sexuality such a public thing. It is, after all, a quite private matter.

But i did ask for the reason behind the question for a purpose. So we'll just wait and see what the reply is before poking fun.

 

[Monkey Butler]

Err, I think it was maybe just becuase of the subject matter of your work

 

[Linhy`-]

I really dont think it matters in all honesty. I wonder how many people think im gay from reading it. Strange minds - the way poeple think.

Neh.

 

[mayhemily]

yeah its weird... I had an idea that was very existentialist... and my teacher said "I hope your not going to kill yourself"

And i said "Fine i'll take the noose off"... nah just kidding with the last bit but i was like, you are an english teacher, you should understand more than a lot of people... while aspects of my work may relate to me, a lot dont!

 

[pitted]

but seriously,
the average person does take stuff they read (especially about people they think they know) very seriously and think that its true.
this happened to 2 of my friends - and i think it happens a lot more.
the first did a speech about suicide - now people think she is suicidal
the second in the half yearly was a guy who wrote a story about a girl who was both suicidal and a drug addict - now everyone thinks he is suicidal and a drug addict
see?
i know that these people are just normal - if there is ever such a word - but they are still judged by what they write
so zhongie - im not surprised about that question
ciao

 

[pitted]

Hey can someone critique my story, or atleast make a comment on the writing style?

hey there amoz,
well i have read what you put up
but surely that isnt ALL of your MW????
i mean its good but still very limited
no ideas are truly developed - or extended
if it was only a small part of your MW than i think that it would work well
but as it is
its not too good - then again not too bad.
well thats bout it
writing style was good - content u need to work on in my opinion
ciao

 

[ameh]

thanks for the feedback =D

 

[Monkey Butler]

Ouch. But at least now we're getting some... interesting critques in here. Crazyhomo, could you critique mine either here or the Showcase 2004 thread, because I haven't heard any truly negative feedback yet, and I'd like to know how I can improve.

 

[crazyhomo]

Hello.

well, there's alot of bitterness being flung around. But the deadline is past and everything, so I'll just post mine up here, although it's in the other thread too.

this first comment is made before i've reached the 4th page, but maybe you should have chosen either american or english spelling, don't use both.

i've just started spring, and seeing as how it's so far very different to winter i'm gonna make talk about winter. firstly, i'm just gonna tell you i'm gonna skip over most of the good stuff, i'm sure you've heard that before. so here's what i didn't like. basically, i didn't understand what was going on. you're writing style seem more suited to a poem than a short story. it seemed every single sentence was either a metaphor or a similie. those are nice, but sometimes it's useful to just say what you mean. also, why do you need footnotes? why not explain these words as part of the story?

spring and summer were easily my favourites. spring flowed well, was well written without being over the top with big words like winter. honestly, winter was a chore to read, but i think i understand it more after having read the rest. though i have no desire to go back and see if i'm right.

overall a thumbs up, but i felt you were trying to make the whole thing (especially winter) seem smarter than you were capable of writing