i deliver medicine to the old and fat. boy do i have a lot of rules to get through
- if you order medicine to be delivered at a certain time, be at home at that time you old worthless airhead
- if the policy is 'order deliveries before 3 pm, so the deliverer can plan an effective route' do not order at 5 pm, and are suprised to see that i am not entirely pleased to have to have come back again to where your hosue is even though i probably passed it already delivering to other people near you who can remember the bloody rule.
- i am hear to give you medicine, not to listen to your cringeworthy small talk. i do not care what you did in the garden this morning, i do not care what you are thinking of having for dinner. i just, don't, care.
- do not tell me how the weather is, i just rode 5-10km on a bike to your house. i know what the f-ing weather is like.
- for the weekly recipients, do not try my patience by being so old and senile that i have to explain who i am every single time i come to your house.
- tip me you cheapskate.
- whatever it is about you or your house that is making that smell, fix it.
here's a basic rundown of my average delivery
"Hi Mrs Bennett, its me i have your medicine. i'm from the chemist. yes you just called and ordered a delivery about half an hour ago. yes i'm sure you did. no i was only waiting a little while [lie]. oh you didn't hear the doorbell? no that's ok [she never hears the doorbell]. yes you do take this medicine. yes i am sure. no you don't need to call your son to ask if you take it. no you don't need to call my boss to ask if you take it. ok i'll just wait while you call him then shall i?"
- (5 minutes later) -
"[completely forced lie] No that's no problem i just need you to sign these scripts. yes on the line that says signature. write whatever your signature is. no not that line this one. the date is the 27th.... of January..... *facepalm* its 2009. yes i know time flies right."
"ok now the next script (previous couple of statements repeated, including the entire date again, and telling her twice or three times which line to write on.) yes i know there are a lot of scripts its because you are on about 20 different medications. yes i am sure you take this medicine as well." (sometimes my boss is called again at this point)
"yes i know its rainy and cold."
"ok see you next week looking forward to doing this all again"
mutters - "but hopefully you'll be dead by then"