Prelim 2015 Chit Chat Thread (6 Viewers)

[WrittenLoveLetters]

As I said, you gotta beat his ass. That's when he undergoes the ephiphany of life

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LOL you violent, violent person!

I don't want to dictate his life and tell him not to do things, I have subtly, and I have even starved myself from gaming so he would kind of stop because, well, we game for each other essentially.
But he has friends who are doing far better than him in regards to studies, and I don't want to be someone terrible who tells him to stay away from his own friends to concentrate!

However. I am planning to discuss how I see this whole education aspect of our relationship as important, especially before externals.

 

[nerdasdasd]

Oh tru ;D


No, its not whether or not they get into UNSW/USYD. But those are his goals. And they are realistic too.
Coming from a top selective school, it shouldn't be a war that a person from a 400th rank school goes through.
Additionally, I find people who are not as capable as me in education not attractive. Its a huge aspect to real life.
There are a lot of things I love about him, and obviously a lot of little pet peeves here and there.
But if I don't see a future because my family will disagree to someone who is not capable, then what is a happy love life?

Why should your family determine your happiness? I've said this to a lot of people.

What your family wants may be different from what you want. If your family told you to jump off a bridge because you did shit in an exam, would you do it? No

A happy love life is a love life where you are happy with the person you are dating, whom gives you happiness and joy.

Word.

*Word of caution, this is coming from a person who rebelled against their asian parents from the age of 18*

 

[Sien]

Oh tru ;D


No, its not whether or not they get into UNSW/USYD. But those are his goals. And they are realistic too.
Coming from a top selective school, it shouldn't be a war that a person from a 400th rank school goes through.
Additionally, I find people who are not as capable as me in education not attractive. Its a huge aspect to real life.
There are a lot of things I love about him, and obviously a lot of little pet peeves here and there.
But if I don't see a future because my family will disagree to someone who is not capable, then what is a happy love life?

I also don't know if this is an Asian thing. But success in education is a big factor for a lot of "traditional" thinking people. Of course there are people who dropped from high school and now are monetarily successful, but those kind of occurrences are rare and ask for a huge push in real life skills that standardised testing can't cover.

Sure his handsome looks and his amazing personality is something to stay for. But that kind of happiness is only short term if you don't move ahead where income becomes a deciding factor.

He can always transfer after 1yr tho

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[WrittenLoveLetters]

Why should your family determine your happiness? I've said this to a lot of people.

What your family wants may be different from what you want. If your family told you to jump off a bridge because you did shit in an exam, would you do it? No

A happy love life is a love life where you are happy with the person you are dating, whom gives you happiness and joy.

Word.

No, I'm definitely sure that the person I want to be with in a relationship, will be someone as capable and strong as I and/or better. There are a lot of "criterias" I have broken away from. But I think the thing I share with my family on what we want from relationships is someone who is strong and will be able to support you and vice versa. This means a strong education.
I think a happy life comes from many many factors. But for me, a happy life is a life that isn't spent struggling.

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

Also, Nerd My boyfriend is very much like you. He broke away from his family in terms of what they expected.
And that influence has rubbed off on me. I know I grew up very very traditional (no boyfriend until university, no sex before marriage, must be with someone from Hong Kong/Cantonese)
And I have come in terms to break some rules, so I can have a happy medium with my parents and also my boyfriend.
Its just that, essentially, I believe that education is a really important factor to me. Its something I really, really respect of someone.
Heck, my boyfriend is definitely a rebel, he has ran away from home, fought with his parents and even diverged from his parent's expectations of doing Law to do Science.

And I fully support him on those choices. And thats why I want him to get into university I worry that he won't get that chance, and if he doesn't, I don't think I could stay.

Of course, there are a lot of amazing and smart people who didn't need university! But man, the whole traditional Asian thinking still sticks with me and I believe that university is a great place to start happiness.

 

[Sien]

Side story: I have a cousin back in China who used to go to one of the top schools. He ended up becoming a dropkick to the point where he got expelled. He could've had a bright future with his brains but games fked him over hard. Now his stuck working at a restaurant part time... so yea stop your bf from playing too much games or he could end up like my cousin

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[nerdasdasd]

No, I'm definitely sure that the person I want to be with in a relationship, will be someone as capable and strong as I and/or better. There are a lot of "criterias" I have broken away from. But I think the thing I share with my family on what we want from relationships is someone who is strong and will be able to support you and vice versa. This means a strong education.
My family is the one who will meet them and of course judge.
I think a happy life comes from many many factors. But for me, a happy life is a life that isn't spent struggling.

Have faith in him. He knows he failed , is stressed and is now probably studying his ass off. No wonder he can't spare 10 minutes with you.

Trust is key to a relationship.. Trust that he will do the right thing.

Getting angry and scolding at him won't make this , but will break it.

One last question . Did you see him gaming or online? If the answer to that is no, that he probably is studying and don't jump to conclusions

Good luck

P.S. studying will take your mind off worrying about whether he is studying or not .. plus it will give him time to cool down

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

Have faith in him. He knows he failed , is stressed and is now probably studying his ass off. No wonder he can't spare 10 minutes with you.

Trust is key to a relationship.. Trust that he will do the right thing.

Getting angry and scolding at him won't make this , but will break it.

One last question . Did you see him gaming or online? If the answer to that is no, that he probably is studying and don't jump to conclusions

Good luck

P.S. studying will take your mind off worrying about whether he is studying or not .. plus it will give him time to cool down

He's a little bit of a child when it comes to gaming >< I can stay off it for weeks, months and years if I needed to. But he starts to itch for it after a day or two.
I have seen him pop up on Tera XD Not on League. And I know, I know he is studying his ass off, I'm not saying he's complacent.
Rather, I was upset that he would rather spend an hour on a game than chuck out 10 minutes to his girlfriend to just say "Goodnight"

LOL thank you anyways

I really just needed to say it out, because it just bothers me to think about it in my head.

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

Side story: I have a cousin back in China who used to go to one of the top schools. He ended up becoming a dropkick to the point where he got expelled. He could've had a bright future with his brains but games fked him over hard. Now his stuck working at a restaurant part time... so yea stop your bf from playing too much games or he could end up like my cousin

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Hahahaha! Well at least your cousin is picking him/her-self up by taking up some work to earn some income
Its just that, I know he's a smart kid. And the only thing that makes him bad at school is that he doesn't like sucking dick and answering exam questions the way they expect him to. He rebels everyone and everything LOL.

I'm just worried. I have seen him fell in Year 11 when he lost his subjects and I had rather not see him have no where to go either.
Of course, he has ambitions, he wanted to aim at a lower Science course to fulfill his passion and probably look to do Law (since it is his passion as well). But I don't want him to have no where to go in regards of education. I stressed it enough, I find it so attractive when someone is highly educated LOL

 

[MilkyCat_]

Okay it sounds to me like you want this relationship to be long term
If that's the case, shouldn't you love him above anything else? Even the thought of breaking up with him if he doesn't get into Uni may suggest that you don't love him, you love the idea of what you and him could be. It's obvious that you care about his studies and you want him to do well, but if he doesn't share the same passion and drive as you, you can't turn him into something that he's not. And stability doesn't necessarily mean happiness, watch any hollywood movie.
just a thought

 

[DatAtarLyfe]

If you are going to talk to him again, maybe try doing it in a more open yet assertive tone cause no offence but i feel like what ticked him off was quite possibly how you addressed him. Hav a good conversation and let out everything but don't scold. The moment you raise your voice, the guys defense will rise. Similarly don't be passive cause then you wont get your point across
Im sure he'll listen and even add his pov in.

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[Sien]

Hahahaha! Well at least your cousin is picking him/her-self up by taking up some work to earn some income
Its just that, I know he's a smart kid. And the only thing that makes him bad at school is that he doesn't like sucking dick and answering exam questions the way they expect him to. He rebels everyone and everything LOL.

I'm just worried. I have seen him fell in Year 11 when he lost his subjects and I had rather not see him have no where to go either.
Of course, he has ambitions, he wanted to aim at a lower Science course to fulfill his passion and probably look to do Law (since it is his passion as well). But I don't want him to have no where to go in regards of education. I stressed it enough, I find it so attractive when someone is highly educated LOL

Lol after reading your rant, I realise I share the same beliefs as you. Asian to the bone
But srsly I don't think I can date anyone who didn't at least go through tafe or something.

 

[DatAtarLyfe]

Lol after reading your rant, I realise I share the same beliefs as you. Asian to the bone
But srsly I don't think I can date anyone who didn't at least go through tafe or something.

So you start dating a girl and she is the PERFECT girl for you and fits all your criterias. She didnt go uni or tafe but lies to you that she did, cause shes afraid you'll dump her. Months pass and you really dig her, hang with her nearly everyday and even your parents love her. Then one day she tells you she doesnt have a tertiary education. Do you dump her or nah?


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[WrittenLoveLetters]

Okay it sounds to me like you want this relationship to be long term
If that's the case, shouldn't you love him above anything else? Even the thought of breaking up with him if he doesn't get into Uni may suggest that you don't love him, you love the idea of what you and him could be. It's obvious that you care about his studies and you want him to do well, but if he doesn't share the same passion and drive as you, you can't turn him into something that he's not. And stability doesn't necessarily mean happiness, watch any hollywood movie.
just a thought

We definitely don't share the same passion and drive
But we have things we want in a relationship. Like for him, I remember when we had an argument over when I was planning to have sex.
And to be honest, in that conversation, I wasn't open to sex until I was sure that the person I was dating was most likely going to be "the one". Now of course, that sounds like some stupid fairy tale dream, but it wasn't. It was just some paranoia of mine that someone would use me sexually and just leave. Like how I expect him to be well educated, he expects me to be open to the "new social" expectations. Which for example is sex before marriage is an okay thing now and that you can have sex with several partners in your life time. And he openly has expressed that he's ready to let me go if he doesn't see a future with me

He's not a person who is incapable of studying and doing standardised testing, that would be unrealistic of me to expect him to suddenly becoming magically smart. He's a person who is lazy. And that laziness grows into other things that affects our relationships. A lot of people believe that happiness is purely just being with someone. But you can't be happy with someone when you're starving. But my parents have come out from a cycle of poverty because they had the chance to be educated and attend university etc etc.
So thats why its important to me.

In the short term, I love him for everything he is, all the little quirks of his personality and his obviously devoted love towards me. But at the end of the day, we aren't Year 7s who can just date for a couple of hours and cut it off because we fucked up on what we thought we were going to be.
Obviously, I want to grow and have him beside me and likewise. But as I said, education is also a source of happiness, and I would like that. And I would love it if we were high school sweet hearts.

I respect everyone's views on relationships. And obviously everyone has different expectations and requirements. And whilst mine my seem demanding. I think a lot of people don't realise they have these things too.

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

If you are going to talk to him again, maybe try doing it in a more open yet assertive tone cause no offence but i feel like what ticked him off was quite possibly how you addressed him. Hav a good conversation and let out everything but don't scold. The moment you raise your voice, the guys defense will rise. Similarly don't be passive cause then you wont get your point across
Im sure he'll listen and even add his pov in.

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Yeah, he has told me he was busy studying.

And how I approached it: I whinged to him that I missed him the night before my trials and that I wanted to talk to him a little bit. Then I got upset when I found out he was on Tera, and got a little huffy puffy.

 

[RivalryofTroll]

.
So obviously, I expected him to perform much much better in Year 12, but he still has that desire to game, even though I told to lessen the gaming and control it for a year at least. A year isn't much, after this year, if he gets into his Bach of Advanced Science course at UNSW, he can "just pass" since its university (unless you want to work your ass off so you can change courses in university).
But he has failed a lot of his internal exams.
And his trials are next week.
He can't even spare 10 minutes to talk to me, and since we are LDR, importance is emphasised in daily communication, even if it was 10 minutes.
I pretty much got angry at him, and obviously he was stressed and retaliated. So now we aren't talking.
And he better fucking not be gaming and do fucking amazing in those trials.

All in all, I wouldn't know what to do with him if he doesn't get into UNSW or USYD.
Honestly, he's not like me, he's not into Commerce, so obviously I wouldn't pressure him to do it just to please me.
But if he doesn't achieve his own goals to get into Bach of Adv. Science. I might consider breaking it off.

Unless one is doing Medicine, one shouldn't fall into the Ps gets degrees mindset

I assume 'failed' here means Asian fail? It can really be competitive at selective schools and as you know, if there are top students then there has to be students who are below these top students. It's just the way it works.

Also, if you really like him - I think you wouldn't break it off just because he couldn't get into his desired course at his desired university (I mean I didn't after the first go, then I did after a second shot).

The most admirable people aren't the ones who never fail to achieve their aims but those who keep going even if they've failed.

That being said, if he can't even spare 10 minutes a day, then he really is at fault here.

Meet up and destroy his ass, canto style. That'll stop him from gaming (that's why I'm avoiding games at all costs)

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It's all about moderation.

I quit gaming but I was still watching anime/drama during Year 12.

I remember watching a whole drama series about 2 weeks before trials (and I was doing 12 units in Year 12). I remember watching the latest One Piece episode on the Sunday before my English trials.

But that being said, I would be lying if I said I didn't study hard.

No, its not whether or not they get into UNSW/USYD. But those are his goals. And they are realistic too.
Coming from a top selective school, it shouldn't be a war that a person from a 400th rank school goes through.
Additionally, I find people who are not as capable as me in education not attractive. Its a huge aspect to real life.
There are a lot of things I love about him, and obviously a lot of little pet peeves here and there.
But if I don't see a future because my family will disagree to someone who is not capable, then what is a happy love life?

I also don't know if this is an Asian thing. But success in education is a big factor for a lot of "traditional" thinking people. Of course there are people who dropped from high school and now are monetarily successful, but those kind of occurrences are rare and ask for a huge push in real life skills that standardised testing can't cover.

Whilst I think it's fine to have expectations of your partner, I think it's best not to consider your parents' perspective too much (if at all) or else you'll start to become his mum.

At this age especially.

No, I'm definitely sure that the person I want to be with in a relationship, will be someone as capable and strong as I and/or better. There are a lot of "criterias" I have broken away from. But I think the thing I share with my family on what we want from relationships is someone who is strong and will be able to support you and vice versa. This means a strong education.
I think a happy life comes from many many factors. But for me, a happy life is a life that isn't spent struggling.

Nothing wrong with this but I think in the end, I think the most important element to success is ambition.

Ambition by itself (provided you have the work ethic for it) can get you so much further than a strong education (without ambition) alone.

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

Unless one is doing Medicine, one shouldn't fall into the Ps gets degrees mindset

I assume 'failed' here means Asian fail? It can really be competitive at selective schools and as you know, if there are top students then there has to be students who are below these top students. It's just the way it works.

Also, if you really like him - I think you wouldn't break it off just because he couldn't get into his desired course at his desired university (I mean I didn't after the first go, then I did after a second shot).

The most admirable people aren't the ones who never fail to achieve their aims but those who keep going even if they've failed.

That being said, if he can't even spare 10 minutes a day, then he really is at fault here.



It's all about moderation.

I quit gaming but I was still watching anime/drama during Year 12.

I remember watching a whole drama series about 2 weeks before trials (and I was doing 12 units in Year 12). I remember watching the latest One Piece episode on the Sunday before my English trials.

But that being said, I would be lying if I said I didn't study hard.


Whilst I think it's fine to have expectations of your partner, I think it's best not to consider your parents' perspective too much (if at all) or else you'll start to become his mum.

At this age especially.



Nothing wrong with this but I think in the end, I think the most important element to success is ambition.

Ambition by itself (provided you have the work ethic for it) can get you so much further than a strong education (without ambition) alone.

If things don't go anywhere and he has no motivation to achieve those goals in university. Then I wouldn't know what to do. I don't expect anyone to suddenly go cold turkey on their hobbies and things they love to spend their time on when not studying, because thats crazy to just study and never enjoy yourself. But he does it at the worse times - during his exams and at late hours - so there is a lot of cramming and a lot of tired-induced laziness that comes from it.
And I know, I still have that really annoying traditional Asian parenting mindset, and I really try to wean off it - I think I'm much better now compared to when we were first dating because we have less arguments on our opinions since we meet on ground level. But that education thing just really really sticks to me Q_____Q

 

[DatAtarLyfe]

Okay it sounds to me like you want this relationship to be long term
If that's the case, shouldn't you love him above anything else? Even the thought of breaking up with him if he doesn't get into Uni may suggest that you don't love him, you love the idea of what you and him could be. It's obvious that you care about his studies and you want him to do well, but if he doesn't share the same passion and drive as you, you can't turn him into something that he's not. And stability doesn't necessarily mean happiness, watch any hollywood movie.
just a thought

Yo, milfy may sound stupid but he knows wat his talking about

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

Yo, milfy may sound stupid but he knows wat his talking about

LOL did you just insult and compliment Milfy at the same time? LOL

 

[MilkyCat_]

Yo, milfy may sound stupid but he knows wat his talking about

How can one be stupid if they're guaranteed 99+ atar??